The Honest Person's Guide to the Orchestra

The Honest Person's Guide to the Orchestra will tell you everything you ever wanted to know (and then some) about the members of your local symphony orchestra…

The members of the orchestra are divided into four sections. These are: the strings, the woodwinds, the brass, and the percussion.

There is also someone standing in front of all these other folks playing no instrument at all. This person with the ego that is bigger than some of the musicians is called the conductor. It is generally believed that the conductor is required to make musical decisions and to hold all of the instruments together in a cohesive interpretation of any given work. Not so. But never tell a conductor this, because they are easily offended. The conductor is necessary because the four groups would rather eat Velveeta than have anything to do with someone from another section. And as we know, musicians are quite serious about their food. Why all the animosity? Before I begin my explanation, let me set the record straight in plain English about some of the characteristics which typify the four groups.

(via a very special lady…)